I recently went to L.A. on business. I'd never been there before and I am sorry to report I hope I don't have to go back soon. One of the bad things about going to L.A. is the interminable flight from New York. Following are two whiny essays I wrote en route. Enjoy.

JFK to LAX - Wednesday 14 March 2001

So I'm on the plane right now, heading toward L.A. I'm really bored. I wish Kyle were here so I'd have someone to talk to. I can't use my tablet, since the pen uses radio waves to operate. That sucks, because I could have done some work. I have an e.c. job that's due next Thursday. Maybe I'll do some of it, at least draw the girls, while I'm in L.A., since I have an advertising job to do next week. I wish I had a window seat. I like sitting by the window. I wish this damn computer had a DVD player. Fuck. FUCK!

My friend Stacey had a baby today. She was due on Sunday, but sometimes these things don't turn out as expected. She and her husband had already named the baby months ago: Maximilian, Max for short. I think that's cute. I wish I could have seen them before I left.

I've turned into a light packer. The first time I went to Europe (a one week, two country nightmare of a bad trip) I packed an entire suitcase full of stuff. And when I say suitcase, I mean a large suitcase. The kind with 4 stubby wheels and a leash. Of course, at that time of my life (senior year of high school) it was very important for me to dress "cool"--especially in London! I was forever lugging that damn suitcase up and down stairs. Last year Kyle and I went to Italy with three backpacks (two medium size, one kid-size), all carry ons. Sure, we had to buy a crappy duffel bag to bring back souvenirs, but that was pretty light packing. I brought the same backpack to Rotterdam, along with a leather tote bag. Ditto for this trip. I was stressing last night as I packed. I didn't want to bring more than one pair of shoes and since I needed a pair that was halfway decent (read: not sneakers), I settled on my saddle shoes. There was some maneuvering to get this work, since I have to pick the right outfits to wear with the saddle shoes. They don't go with everything I own, so I packed a dress and a skirt and a pair of capris. I'm wearing the saddle shoes now with a pair of weird cropped plaid pants that I got at Anthropologie on sale for $20 (marked down from $80--who are those people kidding?). It's a weird outfit to say the least. I don't know why saddle shoes appeal to me, but they do. And they're pretty comfortable. Not sneaker comfortable or Aerosoles comfortable, but pretty good just the same.

The entertainment on this plane really sucks. They're playing old I Love Lucy episodes. Who wants to see that? The Beverly Hillbilles was on earlier. Talk about snoresville. Oh, and our movie feature tonight? The Legend of Bagger Vance. Need I say more?

Kyle and I are planning to go to London this spring. I can't wait, since the the last time I was there for only three days, two of which were spent lugging my huge suitcase up and down endless flights of stairs. Rest assured, I will not be doing that this time. One pair of jeans tops. And a sensible pair of walking shoes. My, how I've grown.

LAX to JFK - Sunday 18 March 2001

So, can you believe this? They are charging five dollars for the headsets on the flight home. What the fuck? I've never had to pay money to watch a movie on a flight--ever. And of course, I would have watched this movie today, just to kill time. Jeez.

I wish I had a damn window seat. FUCK. I hate flying. It's so damn boring.

I want food. I am so hungry. I didn't have any breakfast today. I didn't think I'd have time to get room service. Last night I ordered fries and chocolate ganache cake with vanilla ice cream. It was a strange combination of foods, but yummy just the same. I spent the evening packing and watching Barney Miller. TV Land was having a 48 hour Barney Miller marathon. I love that show. It's really very funny, and even more so because I hadn't seen a Barney Miller rerun in about seventeen years.

Did I mention I want some food? The service on this flight is lacking.

I cannot wait for the advent of teleportation. I don't want to be stuck in this damn metal tube for five hours.

I wonder if Kyle will get home before I do. I guess I won't know until I get there.