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Tuesday 3 March 98
Instant Karma
A Very Short Play in 2 Acts
Act 1
Thursday. Last week. Mom came out to visit. Off off off broadway show starring one of the interactive8 receptionists. Had a nice dinner. Italian. Finished with half hour to burn. Walked down 11th Street toward the Hudson. Commotion. OLDER WOMAN. Luggage on sidewalk. Wailing. YOUNGER WOMAN in sweats. Walking dog. Concerned. ME and MOM. Walking by. Looking. Slowing. Stopping. YOUNGER WOMAN: Are you all right? OLDER WOMAN (hysterical): I lost my wallet! What am I going to do? MOM (helpful): What's the matter? YOUNGER WOMAN: She left her wallet in a cab. OLDER WOMAN (searches frantically, eyes darting about): What am I going to do? YOUNGER WOMAN (dog becomes restless, pulls on chain): Maybe you can call the Taxi & Limousine Commission. ME (something's not right): Mom, let's go. MOM: Sometimes people turn in lost wallets to the police station. OLDER WOMAN (voice rising): I can't do that! How am I supposed to do anything. I have no money! ME (grabbing Mom's arm): Mom. Let's go. (we walk away. the YOUNGER WOMAN follows.) ME: I don't know. Sounded like a scam to me. Con game. Something. YOUNGER WOMAN (nods in agreement): Yeah. That just sounded weird. (we hail a cab and leave.) End of Act 1 Act 2 Next night. Friday. Out at Lemonheads. First time there. Yuppy bar. Spend hours upstairs. Comfy couches. Complaining about work. Bullshitting. Getting drunk. We leave.Me (reaching in to pocket, aside): Where is it? (looking disturbed) Don't panic. It's gotta be in there somewhere. That damned pocket with its big hole. Probably floating around in the lining of my coat. (arm goes into hole up to elbow) Nope. Maybe it's in my backpack (rummage around. take everything out and put on sidewalk: books, walkman, shetch book, camera. no wallet.) Shit. (shove everything back in bag. stand up.) It's not in there. (walk back towards the entrance of bar. huge 300lb bouncer lumbers cross-armed into my path.) Boucer: You can't go in there. Me (incredulous): What? I just came out of there! I left my wallet inside. BOUNCER: Let me see your I.D. Me (dumfounded): My I.D. is in my wallet! BOUNCER: You can't go in. Me (disbelief, holding back tears. Furious. That big, impossibly tall asshole. walk over to Dave.): He won't let me back in. BOUNCER (points at Dave): You. You go in for her. (i stand mute and outraged on the sidewalk. small and angry. the BOUNCER looks smug. Or so I imagine. Minutes pass. DAVE emerges. Hands me something. It's a white business card.) DAVE: They said you should call tomorrow. (i start to cry) JONATHAN: Are you okay to get home? ME (laughing bitterly): No. I have no money. DAVE (gives me a twenty): Is this enough? ME: Yeah. You know, the funny thing is that last night my mom and I saw some lady on the street who lost her wallet. I was sure it was a scam. I laugh. Bitterly. Get into cab. Instant karma's gonna get you. The End |