I have embarked on a journey that no man (or woman, for that matter) should ever have to take. I have begun to look for an apartment in New York City. Ugh. As if my life wasn't complicated enough already. If you're not from New York then you won't understand how torturous this process is. If you are from New York you'd think that I'd have an easier time finding something considering I'm looking in Brooklyn. Yes, I'm breaking down and moving back the land from whence I came, Brooklyn. The original home of the Dodgers. Present Home of the Cyclone. Dat place where youse guys can get some beers in da old neighbahood. You know what I mean. I will no longer reside on the island on which I work. I will become the one thing I have dreaded since I was a kid: I will be a commuter. Uh...Gives me the shivers. Granted, you can get much more space for the money in the boroughs, but you have to travel across the river to get to work. I guess I'm just spoiled. Right now I live nine blocks away from work. It's a leisurely fifteen minute walk in the morning. I've lived in the West Village for two and a half years and in Chelsea for four. I love it here. Sure, my apartment is the size of a shoe box. A small shoe box. But my neighborhood is so nice. I can walk to all sorts of great stores and restaurants and parks. I feel at home in my neighborhood. I feel safe, even at night. Are you aware of how much it costs to live where I do? A small one bedroom will run on average -- oh -- about $1200 a month. Yep. I called up a Real Estate agent today (vampires) and said my budget was $1000 max. You know what he said? "Oh -- that's what studios go for." So. I'm moving to Brooklyn, against my will and better judgement. But do you know what I've been finding lately? I can't afford that either. At least not in a good neighborhood -- one that's close to the city and I wouldn't feel threatened to walk in at night. Man. I'm getting really depressed over this. I thought I could write about my apartment hunting foibles with a witty and funny edge but I can't.